Hey Soul Sister- Dancing in the back yard with bubbles :)

You can show someone you love them sooo much... but still its up to them what they do with the love that you shared with them.. Ok i'm SUPER EMOTIONAL.. i've been hiding it well.. but when I'm alone.. I burst into tears.. I don't even have to think about anything.. its just this pain this hurt.. I have in me... and I know.. I know I need to talk to a professional about my depression and anxiety again.. SOON. I'm not gonna hurt myself or anyone.. but alot lately.. i've been falling inside.. if you suffer from anxiety.. then.. you understand what i mean.. when i say "falling inside".. or at least that's how my anxiety feels like. When I'm alone or its silent.. and i'm super intense into my work or doing whatever... this saddness, this anxiety comes over me.. and I have to stop whatever i'm doing and just kinda take deep breaths and put my head down... I feel like i'm falling as if I was walking on the road.. and then BOOM.. ALL OF a sudden there is no more road.. and i'm just falling.. and its a Scary fall.. because it feels like it won't stop.. and that sense of being out of control.. falling.. somehow surges the saddness i carry in me.. I don't know if this makes sense.. but I need to write this all out.. because it helps me.. Today.. I know.. even though it might look like I never cared.. or I have a cold heart.. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE SAYS OR THINK.. no-ONE KNOWS MY HEART.. I have this image I will never forget in me.. when I first started seeing Mike, I lived at Luis house.. I would play that song "hey Soul Sister!" and Bop would run and dance and sing the song because she knew it by heart because her teacher would play it for them.. no one KNOWS my aches and the crys i go thru... But today.. my heart hurts a little bit more.. It's Bops Birthday... and last year.. I made custom birthday cards with her picture on it.. This year.. she's probably forgotten me already.. NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPEND Between me and her parents.. I love that little beautiful smart, funny, sassy, girl...I fell in love with her, and she was almost like my own- I love her, and I ALWAYS WILL- I pray for her everyday.. and I just ask GOD to always have his hand over her, protecting her, and guiding her. Bless Mikes family.. for being there for her. I'm diffrent now- Everythinig happens for a reason.. Maybe all my life i've been too nice.. I Let people walk over me, on me, do shit behind my back.. made me think it was always my fault for their mistakes... This was my lesson to learn.... to tuffen up..and protect my heart more better.