Everything.. is gonna be... alright...

It's Almost Friday.. Grandma Josie goes into surgery tomorrow.. i'm not feeling it- i'm a fucking nervous wreck inside.. i'm trying to hold everything together inside... I feel like when I was a FAT kid again.. running into the bathroom crying my heart out when some one would tease me or make fun of me... but this time.. no one is teasing me... My heart is just hurting... sooo fucking much.. because of all the unfortunate events that keep on re-curring... I BALLED out crying to my sister, to Robbie.. how I was soo upset, sad, hurt, about poor Crys.. how Billy isn't here.. how everything is just comming down... I feel terrible inside.. its like a sad love song just playing over and over inside of me.. and it just feels like my heart breaks everytime...I try to keep busy everyday.. shaking these sad feelings off.. but its hard- Her lungs have water in them.. and she has pnemonia.. my mom says.. its already the stages of death.. when it starts going down like this. I know all of this is a part of life... makes me think about mines, and what have I accomplished so far? What have I shown to my children to strive for? I only hope I can instill the same Love, Respect, Integrity that my Grandma, my whole family has taught me.. I THANK GOD for giving my entire family this precious time we have left with Mom/Grandma Josie.. thank you soo much.. please just Ease her pain.. I needed to vent.. its been a rough day, week, month, YEAR.. I need to be cuddled like a new born... that's all.. just like that.. and let me know.. Everything is gonna be alright..