Giving Thanks- Everyday...

Every morning no matter what I might be going thru I always Tell GOD how much I love him and thanking him for ALWAYS Being there for me...then I follow it with like a personal conversation but in the same token, its also my prayer. Life again for me is changing Drastically.. from Family, to Work, to my kids... I saw my Grandma Josie on Thanks Giving.. Auntie Tessie had hired a professional photographer to take our family pics.. When they called all the Great Grand children to come and sit around my Grandma.. I walked out fast and went straight to the bathroom and cried my heart out because I knew,...I know.. this is probably the last ThanksGiving we will all be together like this.. with her.. It killed me every moment being with her.. She kept on telling me how proud she was of me and that i was "Ma gan da" (Beautiful in tagalog) then when I asked if she knew who I was she jus had this blank stare on her face... then she would start crying and nodding yes.. but slowly letting me know she couldn't say my name.. it was even more heartbreaking when it was time for me to leave.. she started crying, she held on to my hand said she is praying for me and that she loves me.. I couldn't drive... I had Chelsea drive back home while I pretended I was asleep.. but really I was crying... Chelsea knew.. she feel mes too... we all do... I know there is a plan and a reason for everything, and I know that Nothing lasts forever. I'm just being strong for my Dad, for my kids, because I know this has been a very tiring, sad, time for my entire family.. On Saturday I took off with my cousins -Niki, Kris, Jo Jo, Anne- It was Anne's Birthday and I think we all needed a break from being "Sad"... We ended up staying in San Francisco at the W- Which was VERY NICE- we didn't get much sleep, but we had a LOT OF FUN.. Especially my cuzzo Kris.. OH MY GOSH ALL i will remember from that day is SKINNY DIPPING, RICHMOND THUGS, AND BLUE SKY!! LOL IT WAS SOO FUNNY. Again... it was a much needed.. bond/get together/ Break. My sis missed out big time.. but its on her..She swears she'll kick it with us next time... whatever- I've decided to do the Dirty Girl Mud Run its a 5k obstacle run course- I'M SUPER EXCITED, and SCARED!!!... BECAUSE.. IT MEANS.. I HAVE NO CHOICE but to change for the better. I will be in serious Training and Conditioning with A team. One of the hardest parts will be conditioning in high elevation.. whatever the fuck that means.. all i know is that It means I HAVE TO QUIT SMOKING - CIGARETTES.. plus.. I promised someone very dear and important to my heart that I would stop sooo..hopefully by Christmas time, this year.. I'll be DONE with Smoking too :) Denise got me going and Really.. REGARDLESS if I don't come in First place.. its a personal challenge for me to actually OVERCOME OBSTACLES in my own life.. and if i'm able to do this.. well.. shit... then I AM ABLE TO DO ANYTHING. ok... back to work.. I'll write later..