SEXT Message... Uggh..

I'm jus kinda GROSSED out- I have this one guy friend.. and its been Strictly PLATONIC- Sex with him.. wouldn't even CROSS MY MIND- but today... the beast came out in him.. and he sent me a text message.. HIM:Let me know when you get back from Hawaii-I'll eat you out all night when you get back ;o I texted him back.. cuz I was confused that maybe he sent this to the wrong person? But nope.. it was for me.. I'm not flattered. I feel gross. I feel like all I am is just FUCKABLE.. but what about Lovable?... I think Mike Killed that in me.. he was the Cherry on top- I look at relationships with couples claiming LOVE- COMPLETELY DIFFRENT then what I used to.. Really its not just couples.. its just "love" in general- My heart is Ice.. When I have my walk/talk therapy sessions with Kim.. She points it out in me.. I even point it out in myself... I AM BITTER.. and MEN ARE DIRT- (I know this is not entirely true.. but thru my experience in life.. so far.. they are) There are less than 10 REAL MEN IN MY life- that are REAL MEN where I consider- Solid, Strong, and Worthy of MY RESPECT. Other than that- After my children's father, after Joe, what Mike pulled.. OVER, AND OVER again..Me being Stupid.. taking him back-hoping for REAL LOVE- .. UNFORTUNATELY- I no longer believe in love, romance, sincerity in BEING REAL and BEING IN LOVE-bullshit.. its all fake... I'm bitter inside.. and yea.. I know I can't look at men as PIECES OF MEAT.. but recently.. that's ALL THEY ARE TO ME.. PIECES OF MEAT.. disposable.. They can tell me how SEXY, Beautiful, Nice, pretty, what the fuck ever.. it goes into one ear.. and out the other... But if you would re-wind.. to just a few years back... I WOULD'VE begged for that attention.. ANY ATTENTION at that.. It just seems like Love and Relationships are easily DISPOSABLE these days... I cried the other day while I took my daily walk.. I saw an old Man just walking by himself.. He seemed happy.. he seemed Ok.. I think what bothered me was... It made me think of myself... I don't want to grow old, and live with out a partner.. without someone to hold and be with at night..it sucks, its lonely,.. its sad. Anyways.. back to the text message.. He asked me if I was cool with his text message.. I told him.. at this point in my life.. I'm just working on MYSELF. I don't want any FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS relationships- He texted me back that he was sorry.. and that he could respect that.. I was thinking GOOD MOTHER FUCKER.. YOU NEED TO RESPECT ME MORE THAN THAT ASSHOLE! UGGH!! I'm just venting.. other than that.. LIFE IS good- Less than 2 more days till I leave for Hawaii... I can't wait.. I'll write more later- Love you, Miss you, Mwah-