Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Soo... WOW... it's been a moment... had some life changing experiences.... slowly am starting to regain value on things....
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Today... I turned 43....  and i'm not going to make this a pity party... i'm soooo sick of aching inside due to others dumb fucked choices...I can honestly say... ya... i'm too old for this shit and i'm not going to argue or bitch about it... i pretty much will roll with the punches till i won't anymore...
And really.... i'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything in that nature... But despite the heartache, backstabbing, betrayal, and what ever other dumb ass love promises and what nots that i did believe and got hustled and suckered on...  One thing i have positively gained, and I guess its because ya I am an OLD BITCH.. that has really GONE THRU some CRAZY shit in life...  I can thank GOD and appreciate it all...seriously...

1. it made me realize... I was very NAIVE.
2. i'm not invincible
3. I do have a soul and heart
4. no one is perfect

I think we all get to a point in life where seriously.... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH... like really, i WANNA JUST SHAKE MYSELF like a mad mother with a toddler shaking frantically till LOGIC, TRUTH AND SENSE kicks in.

I could say i gave my all to certain people... but it doesn't matter... not even to that one..... really it only matters to me... for what I put myself thru and took and endured, sacrificed,

Why am I writing this all down?  Because I do love myself and i'm trying to let myself know... Analynn.. PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE unless i'm in the wrong first or have done something severly UNLAWFUL OR JUST ABSOLUTELY LOW LIFE DUMB SHIT,.. there is no reason or excuse why ANY HUMAN BEING should have the superiority or authority to make ME FEEL LIKE THEY -CAN tell me they are going to PHYSICALLY CHOKE ME OUT?? OR POSSIBLY SLAP ME AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL?

1. no sorry yea... i've gone thru the whole getting beat up but keep it a secret even though its literally killing me and making me feel like i'm a no good nothing piece o shit due to there OWN PERSONAL ISSUES THEY HAVE...
i'm SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE IN GENERAL THINKING BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GETTING THEIR WAY THAT ITS OK TO PUT ME DOWN AND TRY TO SCARE ME?

i wanna write ALLL THE DUMB NUMEROUS TIMES I HAVE BEGGED DIRECTLY IN THIER FACE  (THIS ISN'T BY VERBATIM BUT CLOSE ENOUGH)
"PLEASE, I REALLY NEED YOU RIGHT NOW.... I'M GOING THRU THE MOST HARDEST TIME IN MY LIFE... PLEASE DON'T HURT ME LIKE THIS...

AND FOR WHAT?... why beg with all my heart and hope... when really.... that ONE... doesn't give a fuck...

Well I do give a fuck... I don't want to be easy and take the easy way out and fuck everyone over for my own personal gain... I know I have integrity and respect and I know i treat for the most part everyone accordingly...

it hurts to know... that the one i really wanted, entrusted, and yes all that bling that i though we could be.... REALY DOESN'T VALUE ME THE SAME...
God, I have really been thru alot... please... just hold me thru and just help me go forward,.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

My 12

Todays Date: 11/11/2017

I don't know where to even start... I just did a quick review on my pasts blogs from years ago.. Its Amazing and I'm soo happy inside to be where I am in life right now... See, I lost EVERYTHING... and went thru SOOO much... but in the midst of my trials and tribulations of life I found something deeper and literally more valuable than money diamonds, rubies, or all the riches of the world can ever give me. Which is True peace, being well with my soul and giving true respect, gratitude, and my all.. to GOD. = The creator of this entire universe - Holy Trinity = 1 Love ya dig?

By actively DOING THIS daily and understanding the sheer simplicity of how it sounds.. it is.. really just this...
BEING REAL with myself. Going to GOD 1st (when I don't understand, if i'm afraid or just to even talk..etc), praying,  looking at my demons in their face and taking that power of negative energy into a positive. paying it forward (blessing others even my enemys) I commit myself everyday to become better than I was yesterday...

so.. here are my 12

1.       I admitted that I was powerless over my addictions such as Meth, Sex, Gambling…etc , and that my life had become unmanageable, i.e. Blowing all my dough in gambling, not paying bills on time, DRUGS, and allowing no boundaries and lowering my standards, excepting lower than low when deep inside I knew all along I AM SOO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.

2.       I came to believe and will forever know that a Power greater than myself could restore me to                sanity. My Higher power is GOD. The Creator of Everything … This ENTIRE UNIVERSE.  ONE LOVE.


3.       3. I made a decision to turn MY will and MY life over to the care of God as I understand Him. As stated above in (2.) The Creator of this UNIVERSE – EVERYTHING.  The Holy Trinity as one = ONE LOVE

4.       I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of MYSELF-ANALYNN ALBANA LACHICA.  I reviewed what I had became and what I did not like, what I did not need and what I needed to Change. My lies, my drug use, my neglect to God and my family, and mainly to my own self.  The true values that once meant a great deal to me had loss value due to my choices.. my use of drugs and the demons I dealt with.

5.       I admitted to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. I did- Actually, maybe not quite always in that order but yes.. I really did do this. Publicly damn near I believe.

6.            I asked whole heartedly and entirely with my whole being asked  God to remove all these   defects of character. In Jesus named I prayed- AMEN
7.          I humbly asked Him to remove any of my shortcomings. – let go of the bullshit issues, bitterness, judging, CHISMosa.
8.            I made a list of all persons I had harmed (or burned) and became willing to make amends to them all.
This is a Progress in motion –
1.       M&K – *DONE*
2.       B&A – *PIM*
3.       PIM
4.       PIM
9.            I made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure     them or others.  Yes whole heartedly, sincerely  and with respect.
10.          I continue to take personal inventory when I am in the wrong, and promptly admitted it. And will actively for the rest of my life, for me at least, this is good personal moral value.

11.          I sought through prayer,  reading the “Bible”,  and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for me  and the power to carry it out and to also bless all around me for protection for safety and love.

12.          Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, I actively carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all my affairs. (Also Progress and process in motion)


Analynn Albana LaChica

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Sunday, September 24, 2017

The level of understanding

Im going to bare my soul my inner most being, i dont know where to start. But know this i left a "paper trail" this is to protect myself in all ways.  No names at this point only when i see fit or threatend.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Put that on-


Like I got trust issues, I'm sorry for the people I've pushed out
I'm the type to have a bullet-proof condom and still gotta pull out
But that's just me, and I ain't perfect, I ain't a saint but I am worth it
If it's one thing, I am worth it, niggas still hating but it ain't working
Lil' bitch...