Soo... WOW... it's been a moment... had some life changing experiences.... slowly am starting to regain value on things....
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Today... I turned 43.... and i'm not going to make this a pity party... i'm soooo sick of aching inside due to others dumb fucked choices...I can honestly say... ya... i'm too old for this shit and i'm not going to argue or bitch about it... i pretty much will roll with the punches till i won't anymore...
And really.... i'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything in that nature... But despite the heartache, backstabbing, betrayal, and what ever other dumb ass love promises and what nots that i did believe and got hustled and suckered on... One thing i have positively gained, and I guess its because ya I am an OLD BITCH.. that has really GONE THRU some CRAZY shit in life... I can thank GOD and appreciate it all...seriously...
1. it made me realize... I was very NAIVE.
2. i'm not invincible
3. I do have a soul and heart
4. no one is perfect
I think we all get to a point in life where seriously.... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH... like really, i WANNA JUST SHAKE MYSELF like a mad mother with a toddler shaking frantically till LOGIC, TRUTH AND SENSE kicks in.
I could say i gave my all to certain people... but it doesn't matter... not even to that one..... really it only matters to me... for what I put myself thru and took and endured, sacrificed,
Why am I writing this all down? Because I do love myself and i'm trying to let myself know... Analynn.. PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE unless i'm in the wrong first or have done something severly UNLAWFUL OR JUST ABSOLUTELY LOW LIFE DUMB SHIT,.. there is no reason or excuse why ANY HUMAN BEING should have the superiority or authority to make ME FEEL LIKE THEY -CAN tell me they are going to PHYSICALLY CHOKE ME OUT?? OR POSSIBLY SLAP ME AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL?
1. no sorry yea... i've gone thru the whole getting beat up but keep it a secret even though its literally killing me and making me feel like i'm a no good nothing piece o shit due to there OWN PERSONAL ISSUES THEY HAVE...
i'm SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE IN GENERAL THINKING BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GETTING THEIR WAY THAT ITS OK TO PUT ME DOWN AND TRY TO SCARE ME?
i wanna write ALLL THE DUMB NUMEROUS TIMES I HAVE BEGGED DIRECTLY IN THIER FACE (THIS ISN'T BY VERBATIM BUT CLOSE ENOUGH)
"PLEASE, I REALLY NEED YOU RIGHT NOW.... I'M GOING THRU THE MOST HARDEST TIME IN MY LIFE... PLEASE DON'T HURT ME LIKE THIS...
AND FOR WHAT?... why beg with all my heart and hope... when really.... that ONE... doesn't give a fuck...
Well I do give a fuck... I don't want to be easy and take the easy way out and fuck everyone over for my own personal gain... I know I have integrity and respect and I know i treat for the most part everyone accordingly...
it hurts to know... that the one i really wanted, entrusted, and yes all that bling that i though we could be.... REALY DOESN'T VALUE ME THE SAME...
God, I have really been thru alot... please... just hold me thru and just help me go forward,.
