I’ve been ignoring all the signs all the red flags.. And
more than ever, I see it as this Beast growing bigger and bigger… Really- I’m playing
“oblivious or stupid” literally setting
myself up for disaster-…. And in the long run it won’t only hurt me…
But I know it will hurt others that I love dearly- as well. And I can’t and won’t let that happen or at
least I will DO what it takes so it does
not end up like that .
My anxiety has come back in such huge waves. I’ve become a
complete MESS inside-… I’m overwhelmed and bombarded with soo many things – a
cluster fuck.. and I feel like, I’ve lost control, I feel
so ashamed of myself.. I feel like some ugly disgusting monster. I hate how this consumes me, my energy, my
thinking, my emotions….
More than ever right now.. its been hitting me hard.. in the
“emotional” aspect part of it.
My heart starts pounding, and I go into this like cold sweat… and then that eerie scary feeling of falling….
While all these negative thoughts, and statements are
repeating and running in my head.
And it scares me inside. Because I wanna hold on to
something to make it stop… and there’s nothing … nothing to hold on to..
I keep telling myself inside… “just breath slowly… take nice
deep slow breaths… its gonna be ok… its gonna be ok…”
You’re stronger than this… let it ride… … deep slow breaths…
