Its been a little bit since I last wrote in here…
Again so many things changed, happened, lost, gained…
Dinesha- passed away on 8/10/13 early Saturday Morning… I
think everyone was prepared and ready and relieved… it was soo sad... the Thursday night before, the nurses got together and gave her a make over.. dyed and did her hair.. did her nails... it was all so sweet.
She passed in her sleep.. which.. I think made it easier for her.. and everyone else...
It was and still is painful to think about... She was
just soo young.. And to know that Shadia has the same condition… HURTS- but at least for the most part.. They were
able to give her a more advance type of Meds to where she is more stronger than
Dinesha was at this stage.. at least this is my assumption from what everyone
told me… Shadia was soo happy to see me.. Poor baby girl.. everytime I think of
her my heart aches a little… to lose your mom, and then your only sister.. all
with-in less than 2 years.. all because of the same reasons…
Dinesha had brought her nail manicure set to keep herself
busy while she stayed at Stanford… Shadia showed me all the nail polishes,
colors, nail art, stickers… etc- that Dinesha had left behind… she ended up giving me all the nail stickers
and put nail stickers all over my nails… it was cute… she told me that after
her sister passed she cried “REALLY LONG…”
It was EXTREMELY HARD for me not to cry in front of her… but
I didn’t’ –I didn’t wanna put her back in that mode…
I told her she is one
of the STRONGEST little GIRLS in the world that I know…
I’m looking forward to seeing and spending time with her
when I go back to Hawaii.. I promised her we would do more sand Art.. and we
can make more Bob Marley faces with
boobs in the sand.. lol (inside joke between me and her).
This weekend I chilled went over to Dee’s house..man, I
missed her… we talked, and talked, and talked… and drank- while our girls
played… Dee KNOWS me VERY WELL… we both BITCHED AND GRIPED about our wonderful
old school mamas- how they just LOOOVE to enable and spoil our children… but That’s
just how it is I guess.. at least for their Generation… I know this.. if my grand daughter Leilene
wanted or needed something and she came to me for it…. and it was all with in
reason… DAMN SKIPPY I wouldn’t deny my grand baby what she wanted… lol.. and I
guess to an EXTENT- I can understand why
our mamas ARE SOO COMPLICATED towards us
in that manner. BUT MAN.. THEY be crossing
lines and they need to REMEMBER – they are
just the GRANDPARENT.. as to where I AM
THE PARENT.. AND I HAVE FINAL RULING- I HAVE FINAL SAY-
And even though I can be BITCHY, AND STRAIGHT forward about
what my position is as far as my children’s life … OUR mamas still have this
PASS KEY.. because they are old school…
because she helps me and my kids all the time.. There is a point.. where I have to just bite
my lip and turn and walk away… JUST WALK AWAY analynn… Cool down, take deep breath..
and WALK THE FUCK AWAY… lol .. I hate
not being on good terms with my mom.. it sucks, when she’s all in BITCH MODE-
Ok enough about that… mostly tho.. I love having talk
sessions with Dee.. she is my best friend, Mentor, advisor, sister, homie, all
that and then some.. J
I worry about her sometimes.. but from her last MRI she had
done.. looks like everything is going good.. which gives me PEACE OF MIND AND
HEART.
for keeping me and my family and always keeping us safe. Thank you-
Where am I headed to now?... as usual.. I’m just trying to
survive and better myself..
It's scorching out here today... I’m tired, hot, horney, and restless inside… I’ll write more
later….
