This past week has been hectic.. I have soo much going on with my work, family, social life..
it was worse already at night.. its hard for me to just ease down and rest my mind and relax... but ever since the passing of my cousin... its even harder... Elgin is still in shock and I worry alot about him..
I'm looking forward to seeing all the So-cal family but this is all for the wrong reasons...
I've been thinking soo much about Herbie.. my heartaches soo bad but I think i'm holding it in alright.. all the things we did when we were kids... how he took me in for a lil after I left my husband.. i still can't believe... he is really gone.
In the past 6 months i've lost 4 people that were very dear and close to me...
Crystal Cruz.. my lil sis... Glenn Raposa.. one of the greatest guys i've evern known. My Grandma Josie... and now.. my Cuzzo Herbie...
Its all soo much to take in... and yet i'm holding up.. i'm still strong.. I'm still working, still taking care of my kids, still paying bills....sometimes I wonder when I'm gonna crack.. or if I will?
I can understand why motherfuckers be giving up so easy and not give a fuck.. but that isn't me.. i refuse to be GHETTO, CHEAP.. I want my kids to know.. YOU KEEP GOING.. you keep going and you make the best of the situation... and you always go higher learn more-... not lower.. even though at some points in life it might feel like its the lowest...
I know its because GOD is watching over me.. easing things for me even though I might not realize it... This Friday, Saturday... is gonna be super difficult... I just ask for peace, and no more heartache... I never thought that we would be burying Herbie at sucha young age... I never thought I would lose my cuzzo like this... but reality is.. .Death doesn't discriminate.. and it doesn't matter who or what you have... when its time... Its your time.. I just wish ... I had WAY more time with him...
I just needed to vent this out... i'll write more later...
love you, miss you, mwah-
