I have this one imagination, or fear...that "She" comes back.. but this time.. she's cleaned up, has her act together, Means everything she says... and, she wants Him and her (the lil one) back..she wants her family back-
There would be nothing I could do from stopping that... and honestly.. I wouldn't stop it.. it hurts inside to think about... Dee says she doesn't think I should feel threatend.. but, I do.. because if I was "HER" I would never let go of them two.. and If I fkd up something soo good... I would try everything in my power to make it better.
I feel sooo bad for the lil baby girl.. when he was outside workin on the yard she grabbed me and looked up to me.. and said.. "i, i.. jus wuv you"... and then when the kids were running around she ran towards me and said.. "Mom!!" I grabbed her and twirled her around.. smiled and said.. My name is Analynn :) I felt soo sad inside about that...poor baby.. my heart goes out to her.. I've been so lost for how many years... and I'm and adult.. what more.. if I was just 3? I'm not trying to be her mom, I'm not trying to fill anyones shoes.. but I have to admit.. my heart cannot ignore it.. and I WILL hug her back and give her that affection, caring, and love that she needs...
and the other issue..I Have to remember that he is someone completely diffrent compared to my kids dad.. and that he doesn't explode like him either.. but I fkd up.. I just felt like I irritated him somehow.. so I told him sorry and that I wouldn't bother him.. and he called me back and told me to speak my mind.. he isn't mad at me.. why am I trippin?! I just felt horrible... I don't want to do anything to upset him or hurt him or make him mad.. I felt gulity being with Luis and having this lil party ... and Mike wasn't there..
I get into this phobia about the past and it messes me all up inside.
When I went on my lunch break to go walk... I saw this box..and outside the box it had "Damaged Goods" labeled on it... I thought to myself.. I need a sticker or a button that says that so I can slap it on my forehead or something.. Cuz I'm good.. but I'm damaged up inside....ugggh.. well at least I vented this out.. its been slowly eating me up inside...
