The weather is matching my mood- DARK, COLD… huge gusts of
wind blowing aimlessly everywhere hard… like all my hurt, anger, whatever – all the emotions inside me gathered
up into this big COLD DARK WHIRLWIND…
I don’t wanna FEEL anything anymore.. I don’t want to care… I don’t
wanna think or remember ANY OF IT.. I DEFINITELY DO NOT BELIEVE-FUCK ALL OF
YOU- ALL OF YOU!! FUCK ME DOUBLE TIME FIRST THO.. CUZ I WAS THE ONE THAT CARED,
THAT THOUGHT…
I’M frustrated and angry at myself MORE THAN ANYTHING… I feel like such an idiot, a fool, a loser….
How stupid of me?.. Again- I put myself out there, even
disrespected my own self… for what? Absolutely NOTHING-
Another golden lesson learned –
I know its noticeable…
all over me.. my demeanor, the way I feel from the moment I wake up…
till I finally pass out…
Bumped into my uncle
the other day.. he said I looked GREAT
but it looks like someone took my spirit inside- or my eyes ..They look sad.. I faked a smile fast and said something
stupid funny to him- played it off like it was nothing and yea…
Then I was at CVS … and as I was walking out of the store
this older man looks at me and says…
“Dang baby girl.. everything is gonna be ok… too pretty to
have sucha a sad face”
I laughed a little at his comment and hurried out.. straight
into my car… and cried my fucking ass of like a baby- which is fucking stupid..
for what???!!!
What THE FUCK AM I CRYING ABOUT??? WHY? For
what? For who? NOTHING.. NOBODY that’s
who…
FUCKING DUMB MOTHER FUCKING LIARS WHO CAN’T BE STRAIGHT
ABOUT SHIT- ALWAYS WANNA FUCK AROUND WITH OUT CARING ABOUT
THE REPERCUSSIONS OF WHAT THEIR ACTIONS and how… THEY’VE
AFFECTED ME… how I know… I always was
the last one to try … till finanly it wears me thin…
And then… I DON’T
CARE ANYMORE… AND I LET IT ALL GO- AND NONE OF IT MATTERS- NONE OF IT
Now.. I’m just this COLD
PIECE- an ICEBOX WHERE my heart used to be- I’m in this “fuck” state.. fuck it-
fuck you- fuck me- fuck this-
FUCK ALL OF IT-
