Can u jus hold me? I jus need a hug..

I want to disappear- this sucks.. I know things will work out but I'm so mad and upset right now.. I feel like I literally have no one to go to.. suck it up girl, boss up, and brush it off- (I keep telling myself inside) everything has a purpose and a reason.. Yes I know understand and except it... Its just this struggle I gotta go thru the feeling it puts in me.. It's weak, helpless, needy, hurt, heartache...and now my anxiety attacks have returned again.. I hate all of it.. I hate all of it.. .:( sigh