Big Time...

I'm not in a race with ANYONE- I'm not trying to be better than anyone, and i'm not trying to compete. I I'm just always trying to better myself, and I always wanna move on to the next level- I'm just ranting and writing to whatever comes to mind.. soo.. bare with me... I was with Isaac this weekend... I had fun.. he ALWAYS makes me crack up, makes me feel good... makes my heart melt... He asked me if I liked being single... I told him yes.. to an extent.. I do like being single.. but I think its also lonely... its actually VERY lonely.. but i'd rather be lonely than be with someone who LIES CHEATS AND STEALS and constantly breaks your heart, hopes, expectations... IT IS NOT WORTH IT. the quiet feeling, the silent weekends.. it can be painful.. not physically.. but like in a haunting way. I'm not OLD but i'm not young either. My life is BEAUTIFUL, with all the changes, ups, and downs I go thru.. my life is richly blessed.. I just don't wanna experience the rest of it ALONE... i wanna create BEAUTIFUL MEANINGFUL MEMORIES .. with someone next to me.. someone on my level, with the same integrity, respect, outlook- uhhh maybe i'm gonna get my period soon.. i'm on a GOOD emotional trip... feeling HORNEY, HUNGRY.. hot... naughty... hahaha... another thing..I love laying next to Isaac.. I love sleeping next to him and just holding him. Everytime I've fallen asleep next to him...my sleeps feel soo much bettter for some reason... And when he leaves.. and I don't see him... I feel like my heart breaks... I act like a Dweeb in front of him or like I get all retarded and tongue twisted and I always get slightly warmer whenever he gets close.... Gosh.. I'm falling for this man big time.. big... time..