I'm not getting OLDER... I'm getting BETTER (~.~)

I had to go thru this road to get to this and yes.. its always going to be a part of lifes path… or at least for MY LIFE. I don’t even know where to start- I’m on a NEVER ENDING ROLLER COASTER RIDE- all these ups and downs, twists and turns… First the anticipation, then I get scared, then I get a thrill, I get strong, and then I enjoy it- interesting huh? Just like riding the roller coaster… This is how my life is- I had a blast last Saturday- The owner of the H LOUNGE had emailed me a week before and said they heard it was my birthday coming up and they wanted to accomadate a party for me and they would HOOK IT UP- if I’d like- So I said yes, They gave me a VIP room and Reserved tables by the DJ- HELLA PEOPLE CAME to the party- I had soooo many shots… I was WHITE BOY WASTED.. fo reals-my sisters, my cousins, my friends.. it was fun and crazy… H LOUNGE was packed too.. it was an all RED event so everyone had to wear red- it wasn’t mandatory.. but it was cool… At the end.. no one knew who was gonna drive me home.. I had drove myself to the lounge.. but by the end of the night.. I was FUCKED UP- The most fucked up part.. while people where trying to decide who was gonna bring me home.. I snuck away and drove myself… WHICH WAS BAD- The polilce had stopped a crowd before me and I was 2nd car in line to get checked.. MIND YOU.. I WAS FUCKED UP.. .. so I kept my cool … the officer looked at me.. and said.. ahhh let her go..THANK YOU GOD.. OH THANK YOU GOD… I DO NOT NEED a DUI OR A $12000 DUI Ticket… This was definitely a rude awakening for me.. this and what I proceeded with the next night.. drinking myself belligerently drunk again.. and making a huge, embarrassing mistake… I thought I had Alcohol poisoning early Monday morning because I woke up convulsing, dry heaving, sweating hard…. I knew I had to do something but I was still spinning from all the alcohol.. every time I took a sip of water.. I would throw up GALLONS back up… I knew something was wrong.. I FELT TERRIBLE, I was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help.. I thought I could possibly die.. I drank more than half a bottle of Voldka and finished a small bottle of Tequilla.. I WAS SICK.. I WAS GOING THRU SOMETHING… So now fast forward- Today February 21- day after my birthday… This type of SLAMMING DRINKS AND NOT REMEMBERING WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AND DOING stupid shit… has happened before.. but this time.. WAS AND IS ENOUGH. I’ve never drank soo much before in my life.. I do know.. I have a VERY ADDICTIVE personality.. if I like something too much.. I GOOO HARD.. FULL FORCE.. and unfortunately in this case.. my Drinking has gone OVER BOARD. I AM not the type of Drinker that needs a Drink EVERYDAY.. but more like once I start drinking… I GO allllll the WAY- And I’ve come to the hard embarrassing realization- that I have a problem with Drinking Alcohol.. and if I can’t handle it… I’VE DECIDED IN ME- not to fuck with it AT ALL ANYMORE- SOOO… unfortunately I had to learn the hard way… but YES.. I’M not DRINKING ALCOHOL ANYMORE- Me and ALCOHOL- Is no bueno- It will no longer be an option to me. I LOVE THE BUZZ I LIKE GETTING MESSED UP AND having a blast- But I can’t control myself afterwards… and I do NOT LIKE being OUT OF CONTROL. So- I’M MAKING IT PUBLIC- no more Alcohol for Analynn- I told my closest friends and my family… some people where in denial.. some said they don’t think I’m alcoholic, they just think I shouldn’t drink alone.. haha.. same smell different nostril. I apologized to I for what I did.. and amazingly… we had an awesome REAL TALK- He gave me a little insight on what he had gone thru before.. and he made me feel better… even tho I still felt like shit for what I did… Ok no more sulking- This is gonna be hard too .. but I think quitting cigarettes was harder… REAL TALK- I believe in an AWESOM GOD- who is the creator and the most powerful in the entire universe -so with him- I CAN DO ANYTHING… = I HOLD on to this in my heart strong.. because I truly believe its true… Without GOD in my life.. I WOULDN’T be here … standing… STRONG- Last night instead of getting Drunk or wasted… I took me and my kids to a nice restaurant in Concord, and had a quiet YUMMY dinner. No cake, just me and my loves.. and really that’s all I needed… sitting there watching my kids, my grand baby… It felt good.. cuz I’ve come this far.. despite EVERYTHING I’VE GONE THRU … despite all my failures in life.. ALL My heartaches, all the achievements, & changes I’ve made… it felt GOOD.. SITTING THERE with my kids- being with… my FAMILY. Thank You GOD. For the Beautiful Blessed Parents that pray for me everyday- without that or them.. I would be nowhere- Thank you for ALWAYS KEEPING MY kids SAFE and healthy, Thank you FOR ALWAYS and continuning to BLESS me in so many abundant ways- but most importantly …Thank you for always loving me no matter how Rough or Rude I get sometimes. Humble and BLESSED- LIFE IS GOOD-