New place, dream man, and my Son

So I'm moved into my new place!! I was soo excited getting the keys I literally jumped up and down when I opened my door... I went in alone first.. walked into MY living room and started crying... Thanking GOD.. I MADE IT THIS far... considering all the BULLSHIT that i've gone thru.. I MADE IT.. in my own PLACE, with MY KIDS- The sad part is... it wasn't suppose to be like this.. I trusted and loved Mike, and i had high hopes for us.. really establishing ourselves, making a GOOD home for "our" family.. But unfortunately.. Mike took too many wrong turns, and didn't realize what he really had.. till it was all gone. He's been going thru a super ROUGH time right now.. and I feel soo bad for him.. but sadly, it was the choices that he made that literally tore me down..to the point where I no LONGER want or have no desires right now to be "HIS GIRL" He wonders why I can't just make up with him and be all happy again... ummm.. yea.. dude.. you killed it BIG TIME in me... I have love but I am NO LONGER IN LOVE with him. I need a fucking HERO- A MAN- My girls were asking me.. If I could have a DREAM PERFECT MAN... what would his traits, qualities be? So I said- he has to be HONEST AND NOT ON ANY KIND OF DRUGS except (420)- must HAVE A GOOD CAREER, A CAR, is established in LIFE,fears and loves GOD, has a routine on taking care of himself (kids) and his environment, works out, has passion for always striving further in life..going to the next level- must love Reggae music, and 420- would like him to have lots of knowledge on GROWING, FIXING CARS, FIXING Stuff in the house- a Tuff Guy but HUMBLE and has a HEART, KNOWS how to laugh at himself and at me. HIGH STAMINA and endurance, spontaneous, funny, romantic, positive instead of NEGATIVE, understands the meaning of LOVE & RESPECT- a HOMIE, LOVER, AND FRIEND.. all in one.. But that's jus a day dreaming.. besides, I need to prove to myself.. I don't need a man to help me get by in life.. i can do fine without- the main man in my life is my son Jrod :) He's been really watching my back lately.. I find it cute, funny.. and makes me realize, my son is turning into a very smart, handsome Young man.. he's just lazy sometimes... The other day we went to the gas station and the cash register dude was trying to flirt with me.. and all of a sudden, I hear my son say to the man.. "are you talking to my mom like that???" with a mean Eyebrow raised looking like he was ready to punch dude out... the cashier guy was stunned and said.. "my bad, i didn't know she was your mom"... My son gave him this "you dumb mother fucker" look and shook his head.. grabbed the change and started pushing me out of the store like i was the kid!! when we got into the car .. I asked him "what's up?" He said "that guy was pissing me off!! YOUR MY MOM!!" aww.. it made me laugh, wanna cry, and realize.. how the sincerity behind all of his anger.. was cute. uggh.. ok gotta work.. I'll write you later.. love you, miss you.. and Mwah~ Analynn