I know things are not that BAD .. but sometimes with all the stuff I go thru on a daily basis… sometimes by trying to stand Strong… it can actually break you down..
And I’m big enough to admit- yesterday was a breakdown day for me.
I think it has a lot to do with what my EX- he’s been acting WEIRD again and arguing with him- rehashes … things about the past, things he said to me that made me feel insecure-
He had texted me if “ Is it because I have low self esteem that’s why I don’t care about what anyone thinks of me?”
NO- you pathetic idiot, ITS BECAUSE I HAVE A HIGH SELF ESTEEM- that I really don’t care what anyone thinks about what I do, how I say things… etc..
Anyways… yea… I think I try to ABSORB all the things that are going on… and at the end.. I get burnt out…LITERALLY…
Yesterday afternoon was HORRIBLE- I got home, and felt EXTREMLEY upset, and sad- Mike knew already there was something wrong with me.. I had soo many emotions going thru me at that time..
And all he did was come up to me whispered in my ear “everything is gonna be alright” and,… right then and there.. I broke down – Even if I TRIED to fight my tears from not pouring out.. I couldn’t… I HATE crying in front of ANYONE.. I did it soo much with my EX- I thought I was literally all cried out- but.. yea.. yesterday.. hit me HARD.
I needed that… just for him to hold me.. lay with me.. and tell me everything is gonna be ok.. just something simple and sincere like that.. MADE A HUGE difference.
I was such in a bad horrible mood I was even contemplating not performing at our Hula show last night… but afterwards, I felt so much better… I’m glad me, jade and Salina went… it made me appreciate things even more. Jade is so PRO in her hula dancing.. I’m so proud of her- She moves so flowly… its beautiful-
Salina put a smile on EVERYONE’S face last night.. as soon as her group of little girls got on the stage and started shaking there booties… Salina was SOO STAR STRUCK- it was too freaking CUTE!!! Everyone kept on giggling at the way she just had a HUGE BIG SMILE on her face, She did AWESOME for her first hula recital….
Sometimes it brings a little ache to my heart cuz It reminds me of Lala and Chelsea when they were little and did their little hula shows… I’m blessed I get to do this all over again with my 2 younger girls… *smiles*
Anyways- Disneyland is now put back on the burner… we’re gonna have to postpone our trip due to Mike’s Work schedule… so, I guess I do have to do some Christmas shopping… I like shopping but hate it during this season.. Everyone acts like it’s a riot.. when it really isn’t. Maybe tonight I’ll do cyber shopping instead.. that way.. no need to worry about crowds and bullshit. Uggh… well sorry I haven’t written in awhile…
Here are some pics from the past couple of weeks I wanted to post.. but didn’t have enough time…
I’ll write more later… love you, miss you, MWAH~
