So on Saturday I found some DISTURBING info. I'm at lost for words, I don't know how to feel.. or I take that back.. I feel very hurt, and angry inside.
I also know.. I'm tired inside.. and I don't need stupid bullshit like this. I do know I am VERY blessed, and this.. is a sign-
After all this..after EVERYTHING I went thru. I'm literally smiling on the outside and crying in the inside.. I even felt my heart turn cold again..
Selfish, Stupid...
And then on the Flip side of it all-
Yesterday I get an email from JOEY.
Telling me that he left Kauai, and is now out here in the Bay area.
His email asked if we could meet and how he wanted to personally give me an apology for everything He's done. Then on the last part of his email he puts he died inside when I left him...
Wow.. seriously? Really Joey? FUCK YOU and fuck off.
Then Nat... ohhh Nat.. why??!! Why did you do that??!! You're sooo LOVED!!
and now all our hearts ache for you...
My cousin in So-cal who I grew up with... Nat.. or sometimes we call him Neil. Killed himself.. My cousin Aries (nat's brother) found him.. hanging in the garage. Nat was only 37. I feel so bad for my aunt (his mom) she just lost my uncle June last year thru terminal cancer.. and now.. in the same house where his father passed... Nat took his own life.
I know he was going thru problems.. but I never knew he was so sad, and depressed inside.
All of these things happening right now... all of it hurts.. I'm hanging in there.. and aside from all this everything is still smooth.. But inside me things are changing... And i'm at the point in my life, where I HAVE MANY OPTIONS many directions I can take on this...
SO I'M WRITING THIS NOW.... this is the FINAL TIME. And if one more occurence in the same manner or to the effect....
I will walk away- and NEVER LOOK BACK.
