So about 6 years I was a totally diffrent person... looking back thru my old diaries, pictures, and blogs, you can easily tell I was going thru some severe depression. Being Married to a monster, a demon... I was in TOTAL denial. I tried to keep our family looking normal and happy.. but behinde closed doors, it was a very sad family life. I only attended to my kids and didn't even think about my own well being. I remember that one specific night when I had drove over to Dee's house to "kick it" for a couple of minutes, Em was there too.. We were sitting in Dee's car hotboxing... talking about bullshit, and the latest gossip, then the conversation turned into being about me. I remember Dee teary eyed saying "Analynn we know, you can't hide it anymore." and then Em saying "We see the bruises- you have to leave him- I love and care about you..and it hurts to see this happening to you." I was completely surprised, and shocked by both of them... I remember sitting there feeling stunned and stupid... I didn't know what to say..(I seriously thought I was hiding things well) I told them I wanted to leave but was too afraid of what He might do.. That night stuck in me like a rusty nail going thru my foot.
(Stuck so hard.. I had to make a change) They saw the Bruises, they saw how I let myself go... and then coincidentally Tony a couple days later... We were having break and jus like with Em and Dee.. out of no where, Tony says "If you let this continue, Your kids will think this is normal and ok." My heart broke when he said that.. Because I knew Em, Dee, Tone... were all right.
I think about that time and how my life used to be... and how it is now..
Its kinda neat when I see friends that I haven't seen in awhile..I always heae the same comments..I look so much happier, I look great, I have a glow... lol.. I should keep a little book with me of all the nice gestures I've received.
I tell Dee all the time I have diffrent weirdos that come up to me and say stupid shit, almost everyday when I take my morning walks on the Embarcadero..
The best one was an old man he was walking his cute puppies
He saw me and told me to come back in 2 weeks to the same exact spot.. I asked him Why is he gonna let me have one of the pups? He said No.. that's how long it would take him to leave his wife so he could be with me! I started cracking up.. and just walked away.
Dee tells me when she walks to work all she gets are the bums grunting at her... lol..
She told me I need to start writing again.. and this time try to get something published.. She thinks I should write about all my "interesting experiences" I've had while being single.
Mainly the incidents that happend at Hustler.. and the little bitch I got rid of that worked at Centerfolds.. *wink*
Humm.. maybe If I get more time.. I just might.
